Talking to your partner about money might not be the most romantic topic but it pays off in the long term for your relationship and finances. This month ASIC’s MoneySmart and Relationships Australia are encouraging couples to set a date to discuss money.
Research by Relationships Australia shows the four main reasons why relationships suffer are: financial stress, communication difficulties, different expectations and values, and lack of trust.
Read about Relationships Australia's survey
In the United States, couples argue on average three times a month about financial issues. Surprisingly, 55% of adults living with a long-term partner do not set aside time on a regular basis to discuss their financial issues.
Read about survey in United States
Lyn Fletcher, relationship expert from Relationships Australia, says many people find their discussions about money end in arguments, which can lead to avoidance or ongoing difficulties in communicating about this important subject.
‘It’s not just about money, but also what money represents – our way of life, our expectations and our dreams,’ says Fletcher.
‘Talking about money often goes to the heart of what we want out of life and this can make us a feel a bit ‘touchy’ and vulnerable. Discussing your financial situation is really the ‘business end’ of relationships. Talking about it can’t be avoided forever.’
‘It’s helpful if couples can discuss money when they don’t feel pressured. Make a date to talk about your finances in the same way as you’d make a business appointment. Find a place where you both feel comfortable and allow enough time to talk AND listen to each other. Make room for differences and sort out together how you handle money in your relationship.’
‘If you find yourself getting agitated or upset, take time out, and if you don’t ever seem to able to come to a satisfactory resolution, it might be time to seek practical, professional help.’
ASIC’s MoneySmart website provides tips and tools to help couples manage their money. MoneySmart’s Robert Drake says, ‘once couples have had a discussion about money our tools are very practical ways to put plans into action. They also make conversations more constructive because you can save your plans and have something to refer to.’
Suggested talking points
Here are MoneySmart’s suggested talking points for couples about money:
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Relationship goals
Do you want to get married, study, work overseas, buy a home or have a baby – these are all useful questions to ask to compare your goals.
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Your current financial situation
Take stock of all your earnings, savings, assets (any shares or property you own) and debts (even credit card debts) so you know where you stand.
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Your experience with saving and spending
Everyone has different experiences with money. Discuss how your parents dealt with money and how you approach spending and saving.
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Who will be the designated bill payer?
Who will handle the finances? Will one person look after household expenses and the other the mortgage? Make sure you're both happy with the decision.
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Joint versus separate money
When would you expect your partner to check with you before spending money? Is some money just for one person?
On deciding to join forces or keep things separate, Robert Drake says, ‘We would encourage people to have an open discussion – don’t be embarrassed or afraid to raise this with your partner and come to an agreement together.’
‘It is also important not to be blinded by love and keep a sense of your financial self. If you are considering a joint loan, make sure you understand your responsibilities and agree on the terms. If your partner defaults, you may be liable for the whole amount, plus fees, interest and charges – even if your relationship ends,’ says Drake.
MoneySmart tools for couples and how they can be used
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TrackMySpend and the budget planner – Know where your money is going.
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Savings goals calculator – Come up with spending and savings goals and guidelines, then let your partner manage his or her own spending money.
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Money health check – For those who aren’t sure where to start, this tool assesses your financial health and shows you how to improve it.
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Mortgage calculator – Shows you how much you can afford to borrow and what your repayments will be.
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Super contributions optimiser – If you are married, you can ask your employer to pay super contributions to your spouse or de facto partner.
For those at a later stage in life, there’s the Retirement Planner.
If you have broader relationship conflicts related to money, a relationship counsellor may be able to help. Contact Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.
Media contacts
Kate Rolfe
Communications Advisor, ASIC’s MoneySmart
PH: 02 9911 2789
Monique Hauber-Davidson
Communications Director, Relationships Australia
0404 839 664